normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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