no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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