Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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