im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
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dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
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Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
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