I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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