like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize