2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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