those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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