My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
And then he peed in my hair
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