you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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