Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
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If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
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YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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