We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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