There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize