I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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