i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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