I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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