i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
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she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
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He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I need water and some morals
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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