3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
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I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
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How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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