Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize