Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I understand Curling. That high.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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