I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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