i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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