he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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