i already hear my dad disowning me
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize