apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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