I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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