Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize