Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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