Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
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You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
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How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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