Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
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My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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