Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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