turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
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You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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