marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
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