you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize