Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
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i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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