when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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