I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize