sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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