Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
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Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
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If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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