Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You need Xanax blowdarts
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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