he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
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My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
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He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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