she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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