Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
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You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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