Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
no, he came in my armpit
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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