just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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