Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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