hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize