I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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