this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize