I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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